The University of Weeengland Anarchist Collective (UWAC), inspired by our hero Martial Bourdain (who splattered his body parts all over Universal Greenwich Mean Time), condemns the University and Colleges Union for its totalitarian abuse of power, its refusal and inability to act, and its complete lack of creativity in response to the CON-DEMNS restructuring of Higher Education. Their decision to block all “action short of a strike” confirms that the state, capital and the union act as a corporatist network, repressing the undisciplined and happy outbursts of humanity which render their stupidity obvious.
The Anarchist Collective has inherited the mantle of revolution. We call on all staff to implement your own creative forms of protest. Unlike the UCU we will not award you a John Lewis hamper for these acts. We will not hire out large buses so that you can listen to your leaders preach, as if at Sunday service. We will not demand of you that you stand on roads with wet posters, as limp as the penises of all the men striking. We will not demand monthly subscriptions to pay our leader £109 000. We make one demand: act out your equality through creative destruction! As an inspiration we will perform the following acts. In line with our refusal to act according to the tyranny of timetables we announce no dates, no times, no places for these acts. All you need know is that they will occur:
- Clocks will be blown up;
- The Martial Bourdain virus will infect the University registry system. This virus explodes the body of all texts, redistributing commas, full stops, colons, exclamation marks, parentheses, quotation marks and question marks at random;
- We will glue the doors of key University staff shut, after we have super-glued their keyboards;
- We will steal and redistribute all of the possessions of VC Woodley, of his lover Roberta Rainsford, of the Head of Registry Gregory Halden and of the arse licker Dave Hackney. We advise these creeps that their cars, their underclothes, their houses, their computers, their condoms are no longer safe. We will further more provide the New Times newspaper with full access to the hard drives of these individuals, copies of which we already have. Only joking…or are we?;
- We will engage in random acts of joy, including transferring the credit balances of senior staff to poorly paid staff, smiling at passer’s by, participating in free acts of love whenever and where ever they occur;
- We will unleash the pleasure of red paint onto works of art in the University art gallery which are insured for vast sums of money;
- We will be the phantom presence in every lecture, every seminar room, every office, smiling happily waiting for the moment when we can enact the equality you deny.
We know that you are the source of all creativity and freedom at this University. Post more acts here. Tell the world what you will do. Enact your equality today!
Friends, lovers of Martial Bourdain, UCU members betrayed by your leaders JOIN UWAC’s campaign of creative destruction!