Candice Weymouth President of UWEEE Student’s Union welcomes you to the party!!

I am so excited to welcome you new Weeenglander! As a student you are automatically a member of the Students’ Union of UWEEE. Join me on this unique journey of shopping, clubbing, drinking, eating and purchasing of your own future. With UWEEE students’ union there is so much you can do!

You can enjoy nights out at the Capital A nightclub , after drinking yourself silly at the UWEEE bar. We have negotiated 3 for 1 deals on drinks for all freshers. Leave your £9000 fee troubles behind and join the drinking revolution. For the next two weeks these unique venues are open round the clock. Can you beat the record set by Danny Boyle in 2008? Danny danced and drank at Capital A nightclub non-stop for 48 hours (in those days it was an independently owned  club showcasing UK Garage and Jungle.)

Yes Weeengland student: you have arrived at the happening University. There are a few depressed anarchists hanging around, and  nasty socialists will try to sell you peace and justice. We at the Student’s Union reject these political extremists. Instead, we do things quietly, buying green produce, negotiating discounts, defending your  consumer rights. The purpose of a student union in the modern world is to ensure that you get the most pleasure you can out of this experience. Life may be meaningless, but that means you can party without guilt! Old style Student’s Unions preach. We listen, we provide music, drink, partying, sports, dating, free condoms…but we will never preach. We are your mouth piece; we do not put words in your mouth.

Check out the UWEEE student union guide. There we detail the best places to eat, shop and party. We also set out our membership services ranging from sexual health to customer support services, just in case you find yourself in dispute with arrogant academics who have not learnt their place as your servant!  (There is a version of this especially  for your parents. We edit out anything they may find worrying, and include everything they might buy for you! Send them the link now! ) You must also check out the WTF is going on Guide which details  the fantastic events happening during Welcome Week.

Unfortunately there is massive demand for Freshers‘ events. Guarantee your place at the Freshers main table:. For £35 you can enter ten fantastic events ahead of those queuing on the door. If clubbing is your thing upgrade to the Platinum Card which delivers year-long entertainment at Capital A nightclub. God, it’s so exciting; I feel orgasmic! The end of the world is nigh – soon you will be one of those working automatons beaten into submission by mere existence. Spend your future now, here!

Your President,

Candice (very happy) Weymouth

President UWEEE Student’s Union

P.S: Vice-Chancellor Woodley and myself will draw four lottery tickets in a live show on StudentWeb at 7pm on the 5th of October. The winners will enjoy an all expenses paid trip to Tunisia. There you will camp, shoot wild boar, and trek! Buy your ticket at Fresher’s fair or click on the link below.

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One Response to Candice Weymouth President of UWEEE Student’s Union welcomes you to the party!!

  1. Awesome, how do I get the platinum card?

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