For All University Staff
The anti terrorist unit of Scotland Yard have advised the Senior Management Team to close the University following a terrorist alert. A printed statement from the University of Weeengland Anarchist Collective warned of an imminent attack on University premises. We have been advised that further intelligence from Scotland Yard indicates that this is a credible threat. All staff are advised to leave University buildings immediately. Please do not tamper with any clocks. If you have any information about UWAC you are advised to contact Chief Inspector Wedgeford on 0800123123. All calls will be recorded. It is the hope of the Senior Management Team that all clocks will have been checked by Friday at 3pm.
Senior Management Team
P.S: This is really bloody irritating. If you are from UWAC we will find you, bastards.